The Cleanest Protein Smoothie on the Block: No Bloat, No Crash, All Gains

Let’s be honest: the protein market is crowded. Walk down any supermarket aisle or look through your social media feed, and you’re bombarded with tubs, bars, and ready-to-drink shakes all promising the world. But if you’re anything like us, reading the back of those ingredient labels usually leads to a lot of frustration—and a lot of stomach aches.

Too many protein smoothies are packed with hidden sugars, heavy dairy, artificial fillers, and gut-irritating grains. You drink them to feel healthy, but you end up feeling heavy, bloated, and ready for a nap.

At 99th Monkey, we knew there had to be a better way to fuel your body. We set out to create a protein smoothie that ticks every single box for your fitness goals, your lifestyle, and your digestion.

Here is exactly what we left out, what we put in, and why our protein smoothies are about to become your new daily go-to.

1. 20g of Plant-Based Protein

Whether you are hitting the gym, running errands, or power-walking through your lunch break, your body needs protein to repair muscle and keep you full. Every single one of our smoothies delivers a solid 20g of high-quality, plant-based protein. It’s the perfect, hassle-free dose to keep your muscles fuelled, hit your daily macros, and satisfy your hunger without needing to scoop powder or clean a blender.

2. Zero Dairy = A Bloat-Free Experience

If a protein shake has ever left you feeling like you’ve swallowed a bowling ball, dairy is the likely culprit. Lactose is notoriously difficult for the human digestive system to break down, leading to that uncomfortable, heavy afternoon bloat.

We cut out the dairy entirely. Our smoothies are 100% dairy-free and lactose-free, giving you a smooth, creamy texture and a completely bloat-free experience. You get all the recovery benefits of a premium protein shake with absolutely none of the digestive drama.

3. Gluten-Free & No Grains (Easily Digestible)

A lot of plant-based smoothies use cheap grain fillers to bulk up their product. The problem? Grains can be incredibly tough on sensitive stomachs, causing inflammation and sluggish digestion.

We believe your body shouldn’t have to work overtime just to process a smoothie. Our range is completely gluten-free and grain-free. Because we focus on clean, easily digestible ingredients, the nutrients are absorbed quickly and efficiently, giving you light, clean energy that won’t weigh you down.

4. Less Than 1g Sugar: No Afternoon Crash

Ever notice how some protein drinks taste suspiciously like a milkshake? That’s because they’re loaded with sugar. While it might taste good for a second, a high-sugar drink guarantees a massive spike in your blood sugar, followed by a brutal afternoon crash that leaves you reaching for caffeine.

Our smoothies contain less than 1g of sugar. With absolutely no added sugar, you get a steady, sustained release of clean energy that powers you through your day. Plus, it keeps your nutrition trackable and perfectly within your macros.

5. Less Than 1g Saturated Fat

Keeping your macros balanced shouldn’t mean compromising on texture. We’ve formulated our protein smoothies to be rich, smooth, and satisfying, while keeping the saturated fat under 1g. It’s clean fuel in its purest form, designed to support your body composition goals without any hidden extras.

+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
|                   THE 99TH MONKEY SMOOTHIE CHECKLIST              |
+--------------------------+----------------------------------------+
| Protein Punch            | 20g of premium plant protein           |
+--------------------------+----------------------------------------+
| Gut Check                | Zero Dairy, Zero Lactose, Zero Bloat   |
+--------------------------+----------------------------------------+
| Digestion                | Gluten-Free & Grain-Free               |
+--------------------------+----------------------------------------+
| Sugar & Fat              | <1g Sugar & <1g Saturated Fat          |
+--------------------------+----------------------------------------+

Fuel Your Body Right

You shouldn't have to choose between hitting your macros and comforting your stomach. Our protein smoothies prove that you can have a high-protein, delicious drink that treats your digestive system with respect.

No bloating, no grains, no sugar crashes—just 20g of pure, clean, plant-based power to help you smash your goals.

Ready to upgrade your routine? Grab a bottle, experience the bloat-free difference for yourself, and fuel your day the 99th Monkey way.